Recently a horrible nightmare absconded with my usual sleep o babes. The scene I lay before you has me picking up my iPad, opening Hootsuite (my Twitter client of choice), and receiving a message, “You may only follow five people. Select them now.” I awoke amidst a cold sweat and flailed my silk sheet aside gasping for air (Don’t judge, they are quite comfortable). I ran to grab my iPad, the kind of “run” you can manage at 3 AM, stumping my toe on a suitcase lingering from my most recent excursion that my wife had consistently “asked” me to unpack. With great authority I swiped my finger across its glass screen. Why, oh why did I set that stupid screen lock to engage after four hours. Took me three tries to get the combination correctly entered due to the unusually blurry vision that accompanies post midnight panic attacks. I opened Hootsuite, clicked my profile, and fell into a leather club chair with a heavy sigh. I was still following 1,025,567,241 people. After all, what would I do if I did not know what they had to eat for breakfast or that they #TGIF‘d?
Nonetheless, it brought me to a virtual cross roads of the social networking obsessed mind. Who would I follow if I could only follow five people? I have excluded some of my closest personal friends who shy from the spotlight of popularity that this blog would instantaneously shine upon them by virtue of a mere mention (after all they prefer to summer in the Hamptons). Five is a brutally small and squeamish number. After hours of agonizing here is what I came too.
1. @thewife – You should always follow her. You do not want the consequences if you do not. While I mention @thewife in the generic sense, who I subsequently did follow on Twitter, all of my male readers can quickly realize the assault that will beset them if they do not place this most particular individual at numero uno. Do it. Do it now.
2. @mental_floss – If you are interested in interesting facts that will make you look like a genius in casual conversation then you should consider this twiendship (Note: Clearly I do not need this information to appear a genius as I innately possess mense-esque qualities. @mental_floss has hired me to proof their tweets and provide constructive feedback.)
3. @tweetsofold – = Random snippets of publications from the 19th and early 20th centuries. Always entertaining, occasionally a bit disturbing.
4. @_Sue_Ross – Great photo content and genuinely engaging.
5. @MichaelHyatt – Twitter, generally, is merely an exit to the excellent content on his blog posts which I always find relevant.
You are probably thinking to yourself, “That I do not have to pay for the content on this blog is the result of one of the great philanthropic contributions of our time.”